Douglas Adams quotes

Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast.

The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.

The mail on the doormat consisted of the usual things: a rude letter threatening to take away his American Express card, an invitation to apply for an American Express card, and a few bills of the more hysterical and unrealistic type.

‘Don’t Panic.’  It’s the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody’s said to me all day.

The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.  There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

It is not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea…

The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that’s not saying much. Let’s face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn”t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.

I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

The first thing to realize about parallel universes… is that they are not parallel. It is also important to realize that they are not, strictly speaking, universes either, but it is easiest if you don’t try to realize it until a little later, after you’ve realized that everything you’ve realized up to that moment is not true.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandonded this theory in favor of a new one. If they don’t keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.